Codependency refers to an unhealthy, often one-sided relationship where one person is dependent on their partner to an unhealthy extent. In these relationships, there is often one partner that works harder at the relationship to the detriment of themselves. This partner is looking to have all of their emotional needs met solely by the relationship, putting an unhealthy strain and burden through this codependency. The codependent partner can often feel slighted as they put their partner’s wants and needs above their own. This leads to an unhealthy and difficult relationship that is seldom fulfilling for either party.
Codependency often stems from low self-esteem, the compulsive need to take care of others, and problems with intimacy. Individuals who grew up struggling to please everyone can be prone to codependency. Through therapy, you can begin to understand the root cause of your codependency and make changes to ensure that your relationship is more equal, leaving you happier and more fulfilled.
When you begin to rely on your partner for everything, including your happiness and ability to function, you are likely in a codependent relationship. In a codependency one partner is often doing everything they can to please the other, even at the stake of their own happiness. This is an unhealthy way to continue a relationship, with one person often feeling slighted. The dependency on your partner for your happiness and well-being can also leave them feeling overwhelmed and unable to fulfill your needs. This is a difficult cycle to break. Counseling can help to overcome this codependency, leading to a more balanced relationship where both parties are able to focus on their own needs as well as those of their partner.
When you begin to rely on your partner for everything, including your happiness and ability to function, you are likely in a codependent relationship. In a codependency one partner is often doing everything they can to please the other, even at the stake of their own happiness. This is an unhealthy way to continue a relationship, with one person often feeling slighted. The dependency on your partner for your happiness and well-being can also leave them feeling overwhelmed and unable to fulfill your needs. This is a difficult cycle to break. Counseling can help to overcome this codependency, leading to a more balanced relationship where both parties are able to focus on their own needs as well as those of their partner.
Codependency is often learned in early childhood when you learn to set boundaries and focus on your own needs. Family upbringing, trauma, or childhood abuse can all lead to codependent traits when as an adult you struggle to please your partner. These people often show signs of low self-esteem, an extreme need to please others, and controlling or obsessive behavior. These are all learned traits that often stem back to your upbringing. In order to make the changes to maintain a relationship that is not codependent, you need to address these tendencies, learning new ways to manage your feelings.
Some personality traits are more likely to enter codependent relationships. Not receiving enough love or affirmation as a child may also make you more dependent on your partner for happiness. Codependent individuals will often lose their own identity, as they focus solely on the needs of their partner. This type of relationship can seldom be sustained in the long run, as both parties will feel the unbalance. The codependent partner often feels like they are not getting enough in return, despite not letting their partner have the opportunity. While the other individual will feel controlled to the point of smothering.
To be in a healthy relationship where both individuals are having their needs met, it is important to address codependency issues. This can be done as an individual, delving into the reasons that you have developed a codependency, or as a couple. Codependency will seldom work in the long run for a relationship with the uneven balance of effort that the codependent partner often exhibits that is controlling or obsessive. There is help for this type of relationship and codependency through therapy and counseling.
Together, or working individually, you can identify the personality traits that lead to this type of codependent behavior. You can then find other sources for happiness, beyond your partner and the relationship. Oftentimes through this healing you will be able to have a healthier relationship, where both parties are engaged and interested.
In beginning to recover from codependency, it is important to find other outlets that bring you happiness beyond your relationship. This might be work, a new hobby or interest, or friendships. Relying on your partner alone to bring your life joy will seldom lead to a fulfilling life.
At Campbell Recovery Services we have experience working with individuals suffering from codependency.
Addressing any past experiences or childhood trauma that may have led to this behavior is an important step in the process. From there, the patient can develop the tools to understand what a healthy relationship looks like, without codependency. This will ultimately allow you to live a happier life, without relying on your partner and your relationship for fulfillment.